Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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