my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
