I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
