woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
