fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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