Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
