Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my poor anus
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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