a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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