Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
