just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
