How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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