He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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