I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
