Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
