i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
