Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
false alarm. still invincible.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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