I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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