Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
