pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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