My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
