I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
