we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
