its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
