i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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