I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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