Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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