Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN