I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"