Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.

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(850): View more from Florida

At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.

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(310): View more from California

Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

No period for spring break; use this wisely.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(870): View more from Arkansas

It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance

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(804): View more from Virginia

I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!

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