textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song