Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
