Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.