Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care

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(850): View more from Florida

The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(501): View more from Arkansas

My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually

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(616): View more from Michigan

you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed

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(917): View more from New York City

I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.

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