Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants