Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Tell her she can't have a vagina

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  (517): Tell her she can't have a vagina http://tfl.nu/krch
  Replies (3) Good night (885) Bad night (675)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

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  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5536) Bad night (666)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.

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  (219): She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day. http://tfl.nu/oasv
  Replies (24) Good night (4010) Bad night (1379)
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  (760): View more from California

  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

  (760): View more from California

  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

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  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
  Replies (19) Good night (6995) Bad night (798)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him

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  (732): His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him http://tfl.nu/bx2z
  Replies (8) Good night (926) Bad night (3979)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3410) Bad night (1389)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch

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  (516): Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch http://tfl.nu/s2ci
  Replies (10) Good night (4585) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR

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  (918): Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR http://tfl.nu/fkjm
  Replies (22) Good night (4511) Bad night (1303)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.

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  (905): Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated. http://tfl.nu/ymio
  Replies (8) Good night (3487) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.

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  (203): I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest. http://tfl.nu/16wx
  Replies (2) Good night (919) Bad night (1393)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.

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  (907): Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza. http://tfl.nu/7qtg
  Replies (10) Good night (1209) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.

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  (714): You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus. http://tfl.nu/3jtv
  Replies (2) Good night (1610) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.

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  (206): I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine. http://tfl.nu/p8ml
  Replies (10) Good night (1375) Bad night (703)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.

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  (541): 25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that. http://tfl.nu/kj3r
  Replies (12) Good night (648) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?

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  (248): My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes? http://tfl.nu/xjpv
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (300)

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