I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
