If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
