I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
