i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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