Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
