I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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