I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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