Your face is a jimmy john
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
