I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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