Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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