You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
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i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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