Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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