After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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