Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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