so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
