Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
