Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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