i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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