then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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