Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
