dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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