So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
