just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
