You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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