i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
