i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
