i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
