so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
