i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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