You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
