He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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