drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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