i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
