Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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