there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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