I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My first STD was from a foam party
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
