How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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